Thursday, October 02, 2008

Top Ten 'Lies Directors Tell'


A director, yesterday


We've explored the lies of creatives and of suits. Now the top 10 lies we hear from the coked-up ex-creative behind the camera.

1. I love the script
2. We can fix that in post
3. During the filming I want you right up with me by the camera
4. Yes, we can cover that off, no problem
5. We haven't got time to do that shot
6. Hotel? I think I'm in the same one as you
7. I'm getting lots of scripts, just not of the right quality
8. Doing features is great, but I'll always come back to commercials
9. When I'm not shooting? Well, I still come into the office every day
10. My first priority is to get the idea across

Thanks to R&A for the suggestion. Click on 'comments' below to add your own.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I'll call you either if you get hired or not"

Anonymous said...

"We'll be ready to do the first shot in half an hour"

Anonymous said...

"oh her? She's my assistant"

Anonymous said...

"No no, the storyboards are just an indication."

Anonymous said...

Of course we'll do the cutdown before the 90

Anonymous said...

We'll fix that in post, don't worry guys. Where you having dinner tonight.......

....anway in 1988 when John Webster and I.....

son of a bitch said...

I'm really good with clients....******7&&&&^%RCFGGDVGVjfasjfjavfjvajfvjasvfjkavsfjvasjfvjhvfgzxcvsifigsaflaiugiwIiyaf.

FINE YOU GET BEHIND THE FUCKING CAMERA, CUNT, SO YOUVE BEEN TO FILM SCHOOL HAVE YOU, YEA SURE WE'LL PAINT CLOUDS ON THE BLUE SCREEN BECAUSE YOU DONT BELIEVE THAT WE'LL PUT THEM IN THERE IN POST.....

...'hi yea sure i've got a GVNQ in pizza tossing'.....

Anonymous said...

previous comment was awesome. not sure why.

The Ego said...

"Nice portfolio, really, but we're not looking for any position at the moment"

Packard-built merlin said...

I really fucking hate the "Before we start I'd just like to say I really love the script."

You don't need to say it. You're here showing me the treatment so either you love it or you're just doing it for the money or you fancy the agency producer. Who cares? Just do it well. And frankly if your heart's not in it we'll be able to tell by the treatment.

Anonymous said...

I was about to suggest 'I love this script, and I'm really looking forward to working with you guys'. But on the odd occasion that has been said, and it's been meant, and it's been taken the way it's meant to be taken - as flattery.

lucinda said...

Scamp, an alternative post could be

"lies top ten directors tell".

Number 1. He loves the script but he's on a feature at the moment.

R&A said...

"I haven't had much of a chance to go through it yet, so these are my very first reactions"

Frank said...

"Click on 'comments' below to add your own."
Oh shit! Is that how you do it? Cheers Scamp :P

Scamp said...

frank, you'd be surprised...

Frank said...

Oh dear me.

Anonymous said...

producer: I hope you appreciate that X is taking time out to join the call from location where they are hard at it on their third day of shooting"

Director in Phone: Hi guys

We hear a splash as someone dives in the pool behind him.

Anonymous said...

'' Once it's graded, it'll look just like 35mm''

Anonymous said...

12.48

You win!

Anonymous said...

Scamp,

It was a bit tight of you to use a picture of Mark Denton on the header of your post.

Scamp said...

Dat ain't Denton. The threadz are nowhere near sharp enough.

funnier than jimmy carr at creative circle said...

How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Don't worry about the lightbulb, we can change it in post."

Anonymous said...

hang on, everyone has forgotten the most classic director bull shit comment

- there isn't time to cover the wide.
don't worry we won't need it.

Anonymous said...

no of course the dp won't be doing all the camera work, lighting etc...

Anonymous said...

"I am not cumming yet. I will let you know."

Anonymous said...

HERE'S A FEW MORE CLASSICS

- I WANT TO SHOOT AT MAGIC HOUR.

- I HAD TO FLY ECONOMY.

- I TURNED DOWN 3 JOBS FOR THIS

- I'M WORKING ON MY FEATURE RIGHT NOW. ROBERT CARLISLE IS REALLY INTERESTED.

- IVE SHOWN YOU ALL OF THE CASTING TAPES, PROMISE.

- I DON'T DRINK THE NIGHT BEFORE A SHOOT(SAME BREATH)JD AND COKE PLEASE?

- I THINK I'VE GOT IT WITH THAT LAST TAKE

- I DID ASK FOR A DOG. (TO ASSISTANT PRODUCER)WHERE'S THE FUCKING DOG?

Anonymous said...

I don't like this script...

...I Fucking love it!

Anonymous said...

ohh amazing plot, kids in a classroom, I ll shoot in mountains for this,(lost in deep thoughts) how abt miami ? why dont you take your wife along.