Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Essex, Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll



I've never met him, but I love the sound of Jonathan Durden - the 'D' in media giant PHD.

He once spent 18 days in the Big Brother house, had his drink and drug problems chronicled by the tabloids, and sold himself as an escort “for the hell of it”. And his life has been touched by tragedy.

Now he's written a novel, which contains a lot of fun material, but he apparently confessed to writing it in a month, which sorta shows.

Sample sentence: "He had hugged her with gratitude, since dealing with medical emergencies (along with cleaning up bodily fluids) filled him with an urgent desire to rush to the nearest airport and book a one-way flight to Gdansk, Bolivia or Alaska."

Not terrible, but Nabokov's position is safe.

I just wish he'd written "Alaska, Peru or Gdansk." In a list of three, you don't have two place-names ending in 'a'. And it's so much better to end on a stressed syllable.

Whoops.

51 comments:

cosmoticentity said...

Books are so passe. It's all about the podcasts. Who wants to read something that use to be made of a lovely tree anyway! You tree murderers! The shame.

cosmoticentity said...

Scamp, btw, I got 152 views today, after posting those really annoying comments! Are you proud of me?! Did I beat you?!!

I love your blog and this internet malarky is pretty neat...

Anonymous said...

Your link's busted. But yes, that Giles Coren's a bit of an ass. I agree with him, but still.

Scamp said...

Totally proud, cosmotic. But you didn't beat me.

Scamp said...

Thanks anon for pointing out busted link I have fixed it.

cosmoticentity said...

Ha. It's now 162! Have I beaten you now? Perhaps they can create a new category at the D&AD awards for the highest number of viewings for a blog...


(Btw, I feel so happy. Scamp has spoken. And it was to ME. A real life, famous creative, who's been in Campaign!Life, surely can't get any better.)

ben said...

cosmotic, are you ten?

I just ask because I was on the American Beauty part of IMDB and someone asked how old everyone was (AB fans). The commonest answers were 14 and 16. No one over 30. What does that tell you? Christ knows? Except that I am old.

ben said...

Oh, and if you multiply your views by at least ten you might be somewhere near Scamp's.

cosmoticentity said...

Ben. I am, in actual fact 26. But I'm a girl, so I guess that means I'm 30, in boy-years ;-p.
I'm not sure how you can quantify a view, so please let me know, in your own time, how I can create a view which is ten time bigger. Have you ever seen a view? Was it square? Or perhaps it was rectangular?!!

Anonymous said...

Jonathan's a lovely bloke and very talented, although as a role model, he's pretty piss poor. Always had time for the little people and new talent, which is A Good Thing.

Anonymous said...

Ok.

It was a bit fun (just a tinny bit) yesterday, but now it's just bloody annoying.

Cosmogirl, 162 views is shit and no one cares about your blog.

Anonymous said...

Wow! He's so cool! He's had addiction problems. He's my new idol! He's a cool dude!

a voice from W1W 8BE said...

All you fallon haters can throw your shit at asda, orange and that fruity sweets ad. they might be shit, yes but you can't judge an agency's entire creative output on 3 ads.

All I'm saying is, Juan has another Sony missile under his sleeve. 10 times better than Gorilla. John & Chris are shooting probably the best ad of their careers. All these while you were mocking two ads no one cares inside the agency.

So sit tight, boys and girls. Your self esteem is about to be reduced to rubble.

Again.

Anonymous said...

Durden may well be a lovely bloke, but he can't write for shit--that extract Campaign published a month or so ago was beneath piss-poor.

Still, he lends a certain faux-edginess to an otherwise vanilla MCBD

Anonymous said...

I thought it was a good read.
Very funny in places.

Your stressed syllable observation made me chuckle.

Keep up the good work Mr Veksner.
An old Saatchi colleague.

just read Juan latest script said...

is it you, r?

Anonymous said...

re: just read...

maybe.
are you, m?

Ramon Cabral said...

Holla!

I'm Juan's papa and I can confirm his new script is really good.

Anonymous said...

right. let's get back to business. that fucking shane meadows ball-sack expulsion is pick of the week...

rim my hoop and buy me a milkshake. ridiculaaaas.

byeeeeee.xxxx.

Anonymous said...

what's the idea of that ad?

I mean...It doesn't hurt to look at, but it's miles away from being a good advert.

Anonymous said...

If that Adda ad was directed by some no-mark then no one would give a flying fuck, the fact it's directed by Meadows is the only reason it got pick of the week by some clueless doris in Campaign. What a joke.

Anonymous said...

Dear haters and fallon juniors,
Yes, that asda ad is shit. Yes, Juan next effort will probably make us feel like bumping into ron jeremy in the sauna.

Now, please can we move on to discuss something more constructive? Or at least share porn links?

Anonymous said...

PICK OF THE WEEK?
That's a fucking insult for the entire industry.

In the words of a man much wiser than me 'We're all dead".

Anonymous said...

If you want a thoroughly enjoyable book by an advertising person (sort of) try Fast and Louche by Jeremy Scott. It will make you
a) Wish you'd been in advertising in the good old days
b) Read Marcus Aurelius
c) Really fucking jealous

If not, read PG Wodehouse. It will make you a better writer.

no comment said...

"The use of Shane Meadows looks fairly essential. Being an expert in filming British culture it would seem natural that he shoots this so it doesn't fall on the wrong side of the fence. Clever stuff."

(taken from campaign's website)

Jeremy Scott said...

Yes it's a thoroughly enjoyable book.

Anonymous said...

What's weird is that in the eyes of campaign, ASDA's turd is actually better than Orange's effort. That's our industry's critics for you.

Me thinks Orange is at least trying to be different. Not good but at least trying. That shane meadows ad is detergent advertising from the 70's minus the pack shot.

But then what do I know, I'm just the tea lady typing this on the laptop of an ECD while he's having a wank in his porsche.

cosmoticentity said...

You're right anon. No one cares. My blog isn't as good as scamps. My scamps aren't as good as scamp's scamps.

But what the hell, it was mildly entertaining, and it got me through the tedium of writing my dissertation. Bye for now. I'll leave you guys with a bit of peace and quiet. xxx

Inky Southampton said...

It just shows you. One man's shit is another man's shiny gong. And how vested interests play a good part in deciding what is good or not. And thus that getting an award these days is about as rewarding as a pissed wank.

Anonymous said...

Scamp, you probably didn't have much to do in it but I like that new Levis campaign.

Live unbuttoned. Nice line. Not as good as 'originals never fit' but still good.

Lies is the best. Not that your collages will care but tell them an anonymous cunt liked them. That'll suffice.

PS. That Asda ad is a turd sitting in a pissed Soho corner.

Anonymous said...

Good question.
If Asda is pick of the week, where does that leaves Orange?

Next pick of the week: BT Broadband.

Anonymous said...

There's more humanity in 1 frame of that ad than in most of what you've done in your entire careers. Bitter losers.

Thumbs up, Fallon! You've shown us yet again that art and advertising are not that far from each other.

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:04 AM you obviously don't know shit.

Ben Wanker said...

ok. the juniors are here again trying to defend their turd. God, I'm fucking bored of all of you.

sfx: closes door. opens drawer. gun shot.

Anonymous said...

cosmoticentity- please, please go away.

Anonymous said...

the art and advertising comment

hahahahaha

oh my.

GET A SOUL

Anonymous said...

Talking of BT broadband

The lad in that commercial didn't waste any time in dropping BT for Wanknet or whatever it was called in the new commercial.

Can't blame him.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Scamp, remove that post immediately!

He called that stupid cunt a stupid cunt.

Anonymous said...

I'm the 'stupid cunt' he is referring to and I'm not offended. You don't have to remove any comments.

I stand by my comment. The guy knows shit all about advertising or cinematography.

Anonymous said...

That Asda ad has the emotional depth of used loo roll.

Anonymous said...

12.20

Who or what are you? I'm very curious...

Anonymous said...

Go get some Vaseline, boys.
Juan's script has been approved by the client.

Anonymous said...

Enough of all this Asda talk, we should be getting down to the real topic of the day: Levis.

Just out of interest Scamp, does the creative department get involved in the TV anymore, or do they simply just let the client and the director come up with a load of self-indulgent shite that makes no sense to anyone??

'Live unbuttoned' What complete toss.

At least your campaign had a thought in it Scamp, this is nothing more than fluff and products.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a junior from you know where. That c*** comment would be appropiate then.

Dude, if you're behind that turd, just pull the chain twice and pray for it to sink quickly. That Campaign exposure is not precisely a good thing.

Anonymous said...

12:34 PM Levi's is brilliant. Asda isn't. Live with it, mate. Good think you're asking us to forget your own work.

Anonymous said...

I know you won't be slagging off your own peers here but, any opinions on that new levi's campaign, S?

Anonymous said...

That Asda ad is SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Jeez, I feel so much better now.

Anonymous said...

scamp how much of this books content focuses on essex? if its 90% i might consider stealing it this afternoon from waterstones?

Kurious said...

Do people read Scamp's bLog for the artcles any more or just to rehash the arguments from previous post comments? If the latter is true then why don't we just create www.adbile.com, the anonymous forum where people can attack whatever they like?

Perhaps a poll question for next week? Or maybe the truth would hurt?!

PS - I read your bLog for the articles :)

jonathan durden said...

Jonathan Durden here. Ta for the various opinions. I am having a go at writing and personally backing my efforts as an investment in myself.The novel is intended purely as a holiday read,probably from airports like Stanstead, and I know it is not going to win a Booker prize ever. I am going to make a movie from it, which it may be well suited. Frankly, after being seen farting on BB8 in front of a million viewers, i can endure any humiliation even if i fall flat on my face.